You can knock me down and watch me bleed
But you can’t keep no chains on me. 


Thanks for the joy that you've given me
I want you to know that I believe in your song
Rhythm and rhyme and harmony
You help me along, oh, you're makin' me strong

spring break!!!!

My spring break wasn't half bad this year. Well actually it wasn't very good but it wasn't that bad ether i mean it could of been a lot worse. I had a movie night with my cousin on friday we watched dazed and confused and drank yummy hot coco and got in a play fight. Then the next day my mom left for the night and came back the next day and all we did was yell at each other all night long then easter was an o.k day I have had better easter day but all well. Then the fallowing wednesday I got grounded for a month because i didn't come home on time. then i made like 4 new friends and i fixed things with old friends and ya that is pretty much all i did at least i didn't just sit at home and get fat all spring break. 

Board At Intervention So I Decided To Add More About My Life!

Well first of all my sister Nikkie finally had her baby she named him Jessie Kay Shaw. He was born on october 16,2010 Exactly a month after his moms birthday. He weighed exactly 7 1/2 pounds and he was exactly ounces. We LOVE him!

 I have been talking to Chabacca lately and well I don't we have ever been so close in my life. We have been talking about summer a lot and I mean a lot lately and we have decided sense it has been over 2 years sense we have seen each other and May 31 will me are 3 year mark and well we both start driving soon she is going to come stay with me for a month or so then I am going to spend a month with me and we are going to switch off. Im STOKED! Then once school starts we are going to do an every other weekend type thing. So in other words we are pretty much going to be like living together. I all ready have some of her stuff at my house and I get to start arranging my room for her that way she has a place to sleep and stuff. This summer is going to be freaking AMAZING! I am never going to forget it. We have started talking to are parents about it but they said that we can do it but they aren't sure if they want us gone for a hole month so if its not a month it will be every few weeks! Im so excited words cant even began to describe the way I feel about it right now. I just wish summer would come a lot faster then it is! 


Well thats all I have time for more about my life later!

More on my freakin life!

So lets see god I don't even know where to start and where to end with this one. K so Thursday May 20th I only got like 2 hours of sleep if that because for some reason I just couldn't sleep. Any ways so the night before May 20th so May 19th I was laying in bed and sense I couldn't sleep I just new right then and their that May 20th was going to be a really really really long day just because I had so much I had to do. So I told my self just don't think about it and maybe the day will go by some what fast. So I go to bed and next thing I know its time to get up and get ready for school. O BOY! I was so not excited for this I was so tempted to stay in bed that day because I just had a really strong feeling that I wasn't going to have a very good day at school for some reason. O god I really wish I would of  just stayed in bed but I didn't want my mom to get mad at me for not going so any ways I get up and ugh it just wasn't my freaking morning. First thing I do is go up stairs to eat breakfast and I found out we have no milk no bread no freaking nothing for breakfast! So I was a very angry person after that because I can't take my pill unless I eat some thing first and their was nothing to eat so I was going to go to bed but then I decided to just get ready and then try to fined some thing to eat. So I go to get dressed and realize I have like no freaking clean clothes but I found some thing clean that didn't look to bad and I put it on. Then I did my hair and make up and surprisingly that went pretty good. Then I go up stairs to look for food again and I finally just decided to eat ice cream for breakfast witch usually when I have ice cream for breakfast I am in a good mood for the rest of the day. So I was sitting on the couch eating my ice cream and watching TV then I started thinking hmmm this day just might not be that bad after all so the rest of the morning went pretty good. I took a Pepsi to school with me because they keep me a little more calm and focused. Witch I am so freaking glad I did that day or I would of been freaking screwed over like no other it wouldn't have been funny at all. Any ways so I go to my English help class thing and it went pretty good I guess I mean I got the last thing I need to have a passing grade in English turned in and I did a pretty good blog and had a pretty good conversation with my friends and stuff. But for some reason I never get yelled at for talking or any thing in that class witch hey I ain't going to complain about but any ways for some reason that day the teacher yelled at me in that class for talking. Witch I just kinda sat their and thought well OK this day Was going really bad this morning and then when I got my ice cream from their on it hasn't been that bad until the teacher got mad at me. So after he got mad I just didn't talk a hole lot and just surfed the Internet didn't bother any body. Now I don't know if it was just me but that class usually feels like it goes bye pretty fast but that day o my hell it felt like it was for ever freaking long it drove me nuts! I just wanted the day to be over after that class but of course that was only my first period out of 4. So for some reason when the bell rang to go to my next class all of a sudden out of no where I got this killer freaking headache. So I was just like what ever ignore it and it will go I hope so I walk to class and I don't know what it was but it felt like it took me for ever to walk to class but it took me the same time as it usually dose. So I sit down and I talk to my friends and we are just haven a good time. Then its time for class to start I was like O NO! ITS GOING TO BE A REALLY REALLY REALLY LONG DAY! UGH! So I'm sitting their doing a boondoggle and minding my own damn business and of course Mr. Murphy is going on about a storey that has nothing to do with geography so. I try to tune him out but his story is for ever long and he won't get to the point of it so I get irritated and say god just get to the point all ready we didn't ask for your life story but of course only the people who sit around me herd me because I didn't say it very loud. Now between the time going by extremely slow my freaking killer headache and freaking Murphy going on and on about freaking nothing I got really freaking irritated witch is weird because usually I don't get that irritated about stuff like that well I do when my head kills like that but I usually don't get to the point where I just wanna break some body's freaking face! At that point I didn't know what to do with my self because I was so Irritated and pissed off and you know all teachers say if you feel like you need to step out of class for what ever reason just ask and they will let you. Well with Murphy I wasn't even going to ask because when ever some one asks some thing like that he says no or he ignores you because he's a freaking D-BAG! UGH! You know I hadn't been going to that school for very long but I just never liked him right off the bat because he thinks hes funny and hes really not hes mean and annoying and I just never liked him but you know I never got in trouble in that class I payed attention when I felt like it because a lot of the times he goes on and on about freaking nothing and when he dose teach us some thing he would teach us the same freaking like every day for at least 3 days in a row its really annoying. So I'm sitting their in class and he is sitting their going on and on about freaking religion witch I thought they weren't allowed to talk about at school and he was telling us the same thing he had told us all freaking week. So I put my head down and I usually try to sleep when I have a headache because it usually goes away when I do but some times its just so bad that I can't sleep even if my life depended on it. And of course I have one of those headaches where I just can't sleep no matter how hard I tried I mean just laying my head on the desk made my head hurt even more. So I sit up and I'm extremely irritated and I'm like o my god what am I supposed to do to entertain my self. I just can't draw because it was pissing me off can't talk or the teacher will threw a fit and get mad at me can't do my boondoggle because it was pissing me off can't sleep because my head hurts. So I ask my friend what to do and she said idk I'm drawing. So I say UGH GOD HATES ME TODAY! So I sit their and all of a sudden I remembered I brought my book so I'm like I will read. Reading gives me a headache some times but I was willing to give it a try so I read about 3 pages and Murphy turns on a movie about religion. Witch once again I DON"T GIVE A FLYING F*** ABOUT! So I'm like if I read it will keep me calm and out of trouble. You know I hardly ever pretty much NEVER read and usually when I do that teachers get all surprised and they are happy that I'm actually reading for once. The usually ask what book I'm reading and I started reading The Heroin Diaries By: Nikki Sixx witch is a biography on his life and how drugs messed up his life and how he felt when he was on them and how he wanted to get off of them and how screwed up his life was and stuff. Witch first of all was my dad's book and him and my mom both read it and told me I should read it. So before I even started reading it at school I asked one of my teachers if I could read it and she said she had read it and she really liked it she didn't see any reason that I couldn't read it at school. She said just like my parents "I THINK ALL KIDS YOUR AGE SHOULD READ THIS BOOK." So I'm like OK awesome I did some of my reading work sheets on that book. This was when I was going to school in Orem witch I was like if I can read it at school in Orem I should be able to read it at Provo High but when I moved back down here I mad sure it was OK with some of my teachers if I read it and they said they haven't read it but they didn't care as long as I didn't share it with any body so I had been reading it for a while and of course I didn't ever share it with any body but for some reason that day in geography the teacher must of had some thing up his A** that day because I'm all most done with the page and the teacher gets mad at me and tells me to but it away I had a sentience and I would of been finished with the page. So I was going to finish the sentience and then put the book away but all of a sudden the teacher being the D-Bag that he is walks over and Tries to rip it out of my hands. So I close it and hold it close to me because you know its not his book its my dads so of course I'm not going to give him my book. So he gets mad at me and tells me I can give him the book or I can go to the office so of course I said " I'm not giving you my book." So of course hes like well good then you can just go to the office and give it to the Principal. So I said " Yup I can go to the office and give it to her." So he gets all butt hurt about it and goes and calls a tracker to come get me. Then he tells me that a tracker is coming to get me from class and I can explain to him why my book was more important then what was going on in class. So I said " That's cool I don't really care I will tell him that." Of course the teacher gets all butt hurt again and tells me to get out of his class. I said Ok smiled and walked out sat by the door and read another page in my book then he comes out and says "Just so you know one of the trackers are on their way to come get you and take you to the office where you can explain what kind of book your reading and why its more important then whats going on in class." I look at my book and go mmhmm." He got mad at when in side. Then the tracker comes and gets me and hes pretty cool about every thing he asked what was going on and I was like I don't know nothing really. So he asked me why I wasn't paying attention in class so I said "Well the teacher has been telling us the same exact thing every single time we had his class for like a week straight it was all about religion." The tracker says o all right well I you none religious and I was like ya pretty much and I was tired of hearing him say the same thing every day. So the tracker goes o well OK that makes since. Then he takes the book and we go to the office wear the Principal looks at it. She has me go sit out in the front well she scanned threw it. I look at the clock on my phone and put it away she comes out and asks me why I thought it was OK to bring that kind of book to school and I told her that I had permission by teachers and she looks at me like I stupid and says I highly doubt that now give me your phone we are still in school and you where just texting. So I said " Ya I know we are still in school that's why I wasn't texting so your not getting my phone." So she was like fine I will go get the school officer and you can give it to him. So I reply "That's cool you go get him. I'm still not giving you my phone so she gets all mad and walks and gets him." They walk over and ask for my phone I tell them know they get mad and pretty much call me a lire and tell me to give them my phone now they said they could kick me out of school for not listening to them so I was like do it and so their like o we will but we are going to get your phone first I was like OK. you have fun with that. Remind you I didn't get a lot of sleep that day so of course I was trying to keep my calm the hole time surprisingly I haven't yelled at all yet but at this point I fell like I'm going to freaking the F**K OUT. So I didn't know what to do I couldn't handle them yelling at me and I didn't want to freak out and yell at them because I knew it would get me in a lot more trouble then I need to be in. When I get stressed out I cry because I just don't know what to do so at this point I start crying and I tell them I'm calling my dad so I call and he didn't answer so I didn't say any thing I hung up and tyred again right after my dad answered so I told him I was in trouble again they took my book and their trying to take my phone and their going to kick me out of school again. So my dad tells me to stay calm and he will be their soon so I told him OK but I'm going to freak out soon I dint know how much longer I can stay calm. He says just don't really talk and I will be their as soon as I can so I said K and hung up then they got mad at me. They say why wouldn't you listin to us when a school authority is trying to speak to you witch they didn't say any thing when I was on the phone so I was like what are you talking about. They were like you know exactly what I'm talking about and I was like no I don't so they had me go in to the cops office close the door behind me and In the room was the tracker that came to get me the cop and some guy. They tell me I'm only going to ask you this one more time give me your phone so I sit down and I'm like why their like because you called one of your friends right before you called your dad right in front of us and I was like no I called my dad. So the cop looks at me and goes look you have never dealt with me before you don't want to mess with me I was like that's cool that's when they ask if Id rather be in hand cuffs and I was like I don't care wouldn't be the first time and their like no but it would be the first time and school and I was like actually no it wouldn't it happened to me last year then he asks for my phone I tell him no. He rips me out of my chair throws me and the ground and sticks his knee in my back where it had been killing me lately I tell him get his knee out of my back you cant freaking do this to me you have no clue its freaking hurting me and he looks and me and goes I can do what ever the heck I want because I'm a cop and then he puts more presher on my back. So I'm like you cant do this to me. He pushes harder I'm freaking balling at and I freaking scream bloody freaking murder at this point because that's just how bad it hurt so he gets me in hand cuffs and sets me in the chair. They ask me if I liked haveing to do it that way and I was like well no but it wasn't the first time and they ask me at least 7 more times if I had some thing like that happen at school before I told them the same thing every time Finally they look it up and The cop starts reading out loud then hes like wait she doesn't need to here this come read it. As if I didn't know what it said I was their it happened to me why they though I didn't need to know when I all ready know I have no idea. Then my mom and dad try calling but they have me phone so they look call him on the school phone and asked him if I had called him earlier and of course my dad was like ya so their like o OK and they start talking to him. Then they hang up and we talk about the book and they sit and say I'm a lire no body would ever say its OK to read that kinda book expecally at school and I was like well I was told I could and they called me a lire because I didn't remember the teachers names who said I could read it because I hadn't been going to that school for very long. Then they ask where I even got a book like that And I said my dad and they have the guts to look at me and say to my face then you dad is a terrible father for letting his 15 year old daughter read this. I was like ya OK my dad is a terrible father mmhmm and their like ya he is a terrible father then they say you cant even get that book in Utah when my dad bought it at the Provo town center. Their like why do you think its OK to bring a book like this to school if you cant even fined it in the Provo or Orem library. Why do you think you cant even fined it in a public library in Utah and I said because of all of the freaking Mormons here. He gets all butt hurt and says Mormons have nothing to do with it witch they have a lot to do with it. Then I tell him you know what I'm done talking to you because I feel like I'm talking to my dog except my dog would actually understand me and listin to me and my dog is a lot smarter and cuter then you. Then they locked me in a dt room tell my dad got their and they had talked to him they finally come get me take the cuffs off and I walk back to his stupid office where they tell my dad they don't know what they are going to do with the book they don't know if their going to give it back my dad said its his book he paid for it their giving it back so they gave it back to him then the stupid principal walks in and tells my dad that I have to go to Independence next year and they have all ready enrolled me their and that I was expelled pretty much from Provo high because they said I was done for the year then they said that I'm not allowed on Provo high campas unless I went their witch I cant go their because they all ready signed me up for Independence so ya I'm pretty much ban from Provo high. That's pretty much my freaking LIFE. The good part is my parents weren't mad at me and I didn't get grounded this time. Ha they were pissed at the freaking school though. So ya more on my life later peace! :D

What would make a perfect vacation??

Honestly I think the perfect vacation to me I would have to say is any where out of Utah. Only because I have never in my life been out of Utah. but if I had a choice of where to go for the first time I would chose to go to Canada. I have heard that it is a really cool place and the language is not very different from the language that we speak here. So it wouldn't be very hard to learn it and I know a few people that where born their and they say its really pretty and they would give any thing to go back their but in some places in Canada its all ways really cold. When I went to Canyon View Jr High I learned about a mall in Canada in my geography class and that's what got me interested in Canada. I learned that they have a water park and a amusement park in it and I learned that its one of the largest malls in the world. When I seen pictures of it it got me excited and ever sense I have wanted to go to Canada. I really like the way they talk to it makes me laugh Because they don't talk a hole lot different then we do but they still talk different I don't know why but any body that talks different then we do it makes me laugh but not in a bad why like because I think its stupid or some thing just because its cool because it makes us sound kinda stupid. Ya I would like to live in Canada for a little bit or at least take like a 2 week long vacation their some time in my life but in tell then hey a girl can always dream can't she. :) If I ever do go to Canada I think I will take lots of pictures just so I can remember going their but I would do that if I ever go any where out of Utah witch I am hoping to do when I get older I at least want to go to 3 places out of Utah before I die That would make me the happiest person in the world especially if I go to more then 3 places out of Utah before I die. 

JUST SOME RANDOM QUOTES THAT I LIKE. :)

A rose without thorns is like love without heart break it just doesn't make sense. 

Misshapes are like knives, that either serve us or cut us, as we grasp them by the blade or the handle. 
Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.
My love lies bleeding. 
Real loss only occurs when you lose something you love more then your self. 
Relationships are like glass sometimes its better to leave them broken then try to hurt your self putting it back together. 
Sadness fly away on the wings of time.
Sometimes I wish I was a little kid again skinned knees are easier to fix then broken hearts.
The best way to mend a heart is time and girlfriends. 
Turn your wounds in to wisdom. 
Their is something beautiful about all scares of what ever nature a scare means the hurt is over, the wound is healed, done with.
The weirdest thing happened the other morning... I woke up with tears in my eyes... And one rolling down my cheek... And I knew I must have been dreaming of you again.
Their are things we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live with out but have to let go.
Their are times when I can't decide weather to see you or not I want to see you because I miss you but their are times when I don't want to see you because every time I do, the fact that you don't see me the way that I see you hurts me even more.
What Is the opposite of two? A lonely me, a lonely you.
Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, witch I find myself constantly walking around in the day time, And falling in at night. I miss you like hell.
We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.
If your going threw hell keep going.
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
I expanded with the joy of your love and presence but now that your gone I just feel bloated. 
the scares you can't see are the hardest to heal.
Let no one who love be unhappy... even love unreturned has its rainbow.
I'm holding a tear drop for a friend until has heartache and misery end.
Until I was 13 I thought my name was shut up.
For me there are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
Women: Cant live with them, can't burry them in the back yard with out the neighbors  seeing.
Sometimes, when one person is missing the hole world seems depopulated.
Love is like a puzzle. When you're in love, all the pieces fit but when your heart gets broken, it takes a while to get every thing back together.
You flew off with the wings of my heart and left me flightless. 
As soon as forever is threw I'll be over you.
The heart is the only broken instrument that works.
God can heal a broken heart, but he has to have all the pieces. 

More on my life hr

So my 15th birthday was on may 12. It was pretty freaking awesome if you ask me. let me run you threw that day. So I get up all though I didn't want to I don't even get out of my room before I get attacked my dog buddy. Then I walk up the stairs I am still pretty much a sleep and my mom freaking scares the crap out of me. Then my parents sing happy birthday pretty much all morning tell they went to work. then like 10 minuets before I have to leave for the bus my cousin came over brought me a balloon and some lay necklaces and suckers. Then we walk to the bus stop and she freaking silly strings me but its all good because she gave me the silly string after. Then I go to school and They school day goes by pretty freaking fast. I got so many happy birthdays from strangers and friends mostly from strangers. Then I went home and took a nice long nap then I woke up and we went to Los three amigos and then we went and got my birthday cake it was so cute and yummy to it was an ice cream cake. Then my parents gave me my birthday present witch was a really cool card and 50$ and then my cousin came over again and gave me 20$ and that's pretty much all we did but it was fun any ways. Then the fallowing Saturday I went camping with my aunt for her birthday it was pretty freaking sweet because I hadn't been camping in a few years so it was a nice change we went camping up at maple lake we went fishing their and I got sun burned really really bad but it was worth it because I caught my very first 2 fish ever in my life so I really didn't care that I got sun burned but any ways we ended are camping trip early because me aunt got sick the next day. Then yesterday we had my family party it was pretty fun I guess usually their a lot better but I ain't complaining. I would have to say the worst part of my weekend was when    Chabacca texts me and said that she doesn't know if she is still going to come down this summer because her parents want her to go to Cali with them. But she is still trying to convince them to let her come down and visit her friends and family they are down here so it mad me kinda sad but not really because she said their is still a chance she is going to come down here this summer so I mean its not to bad but it was still the worst part of my weekend because I mean I haven't seen her in 2 years now and so just the thought of waiting a hole other year to see her sucks. But ya that's my life not very exciting I know but all well nothing I can really do about it.